Week 9: The Thrill of Victory and the Agony of Da Feet

Another week, another series of questionable lineup decisions and last-minute miracles. Some of you are riding high, while others are staring at their rosters with the kind of despair usually reserved for people who’ve just eaten gas station sushi.

Standings

Matchup Mayhem

Blythe Crushes Julian’s Soul (168.45 - 86.76)

Blythe, what did you do to Julian? This wasn’t a matchup; it was a public execution. Riding the wave of Brock Bowers’ historic 43.55-point explosion, Blythe put up a league-high 168.45 points. Julian, on the other hand, couldn’t even crack 90. Again.

Chris Squeaks by Ryan (115.48 - 101.96)

In a battle of two teams who clearly have a different definition of “high-scoring,” Chris managed to pull out a win against Ryan. Drake London’s 38.8 points were the saving grace for Chris, while Ryan was left wondering what could have been if Jonathan Taylor hadn’t decided to take the week off. A win is a win, but let’s not pretend this was a display of fantasy dominance.

Megan Steamrolls Jon (118.09 - 78.27)

Jon, my man, what happened? You scored less than some of the players on Megan’s bench. Megan, powered by a solid 24.25 from Josh Jacobs and 25.84 from Matthew Stafford, cruised to an easy victory. Jon, it might be time to take a long, hard look in the mirror. Or at your roster. Either one.

Tuesday Edges Out Morgan (102.05 - 100.97)

This one was a nail-biter. Tuesday, thanks to a balanced attack, managed to eke out a win against Morgan by just over a point. Morgan, you can thank Josh Allen’s 27.32 points for keeping you in it, but it just wasn’t enough. Sometimes, it’s better to be lucky than good. And Tuesday, you were very, very lucky.

Erik Upsets Samantha (113.3 - 101.45)

Erik took down Samantha in a stunning upset. Samantha, despite having the fantasy juggernaut that is Christian McCaffrey and his 41.3 points, couldn’t overcome the rest of her team’s mediocrity. Erik, on the other hand, got a solid 26.2 from Sam Darnold (yes, you read that right) and a team effort to secure the win. This one’s gotta sting - a whole year of bragging rights for Erik.

Justin Dominates Shannon (118.54 - 80.5)

Justin, you’re on a roll…one more win and you’ll have your first streak! Shannon, you’re… not. Justin’s squad, led by Jaxson Dart’s 27.24 points, was too much for Shannon’s team, whose entire strategy was “WILL TUA GET A CONCUSSION?” Better luck next week, Shannon. You’re gonna need it…and a real QB.

99 Problems But a Point Ain’t One

Speaking of Shannon, let’s talk about Club 99 this week. Scoring a measly 80.5 points is just… sad. Not quite as sad as Jon tho.

Speaking of Jon…it’s time for everyone’s favorite segment, the “Bench of the Week.” This week’s award goes to Jon Houtzer, who left a whopping 44.13 points on his bench. To add insult to injury, we saw TWO 0.0’s on the scorboard, including one from start WR Rome Odunze. That has to conjure up the infamous Michael Crabtree incident…IYKYK.

Manager Stats

It’s pretty clear where the playoffs start and the basement begins. Despite Sam, Ryan, Erik and Megan holding tight at the top of the standings - Blythe might be making a last-minute push to get that final playoff spot.

Schedule Notes

It’s time to separate the contenders from the pretenders. Make your waiver claims, set your lineups, and pray to the fantasy gods. Good luck, you’ll need it.